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Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Fortnight of drudgery

Hello, Snotwanglers... I mean my loyal chums. This is Simon McGuinness in my living quarters after a long fortnight of sheer drudgery at the Isle of Man. Oh, the place is alright and beautiful and all but this time of year it's just bloody cold. So I'm in my coat and fuzzy slippers for the better half of near a week with some geezers who want me to slide them ₤200,000 for some seaside shack with a houseboat attached. Why? I've already got a boat.. least I did before it didn't take well to letting some nervy git named Henry steer it through the Channel in a sudden pour. Last I heard he was pissed at some lay-by with a plastic cup and ratty terrier. I never saw a quid for my losses.

But it is good to be back at home. And I'm already bored out of my mind! Still it beats cramming into a bus with a dozen geezers I've seen nearly every day for fifteen years and another dozen whose names I never remember. That's what I'll be doing again in half a week. At least we won't be stopping in Oslo this time. I lost my passport there last year and still think the place is right bad luck.

Malcolm left a call on the machine this afternoon but I didn't feel like getting out of bed until much later. He always calls back though. And I best be off to sleep again now. Won't be doing that for weeks. If you're in Glasgow and have heard of a place called "MacGurgy's Turdhouse" we won't be there. But we'll be playing across the street next week if you've happened across the last of the promotional tickets (or happen to get them from some peddler standing outside).

By the way, my new friend Gladys Murphy dictated this message. She wanted me to mention. I hate typing and bloody computers. They're fun and all if you can be bothered, which I usually can't. Besides I'm lazing on the couch right now and am drifting in and out of a match on TV. Good night and see you soon.

Simon McGuinness

Sunday, January 29, 2006


It's great to be alive and famous

Well, good day to you all. I'm afraid to say that the time of this post isn't set to Greenwich mean time, which is close to home. Spending the winter in Birminghamshire-upon-Sussex has been one of the greatest bloody moves of my life. The colour of the sky itself is so much more gorgeous than in the dregs of Los Angeles. It feels like combat trying to get the newspaper in the morning over there.

If you want to see what it's really like to live the wretched life, rent a cheap motel room in the States somewhere. My personal favourite was located in Highland, Nevada. You need to get some mates together and just trash the lousy place. But that's not what we're about anymore, is it? (Really, though, even if we were, y' don't really believe that we'd tell you, do you?) But that's not why I'm even writing this. I personally would like to leave a social commentary aboout the importance of technology in our society. I don't really care about all you neighsayers out there (and besides, if you're a horse, then you can't really be reading this, can you! Ha!) but technology really has improved our quality of life. Some of you out there have mentioned to me in the past (okay, when I say some, I'm in actuality referring to millions of people, those of you who are bold enough to just let off an anvil of your chest and shove it down your favorite rock star's throat. If you're reading this right now, chances are you've done that already) that I'm not the most favorable or aestetically pleasingnest bloke to speak with. Well, that's your prerogative now, isn't it? But my real point here is that because of technology, you can just turn me off, or edit me out. (The BBC have already had their share of that privilege).

And besides, without this blessed technology, you wouldn't be sitting there out in your world wide porthole and watching me throw these words at you. These new biographies, or biogs, (or 'bigos' as I like to call em) make it possible to really know what's on someone's mind. (I think the word 'blog' is actually a typo and whomever threw it out there was too daft to notice). Also, the technology of these modern times will make it possible that you can visit this site and listen to our recordings. The sound quality's not as good as vinyls once were anymore, but it'll do.

Please send us out a hullo when you visit here.

Mr. Policeman!!

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